The morning of Carter's birth Corey and I woke up at 4:45am in order to make it to the hospital by 6am. I think we must have both set 4 alarms to make sure we didn't accidentally sleep in. I was surprised to be roused by the alarm...meaning I'd apparently gotten some real shut eye the night before this life changing event.
We showered and Corey made fun of me that I was giving myself a serious blow out before heading to the hospital. Let's get real...I knew two things for certain...
1. I was not going to be getting to spend this much time on my hair for the foreseeable future - who knows when my next shower was going to be!
2. There were about to be a lot of pictures taken of me!
Vanity was the one thing I felt I had some semblance of control over that morning as I round brushed my hair to death and put on a cute sweatsuit. We jumped in the car which we'd pre-packed the night before. We hit some 580 traffic and made some small talk but as we got closer to the hospital I felt the tears and jitters coming on. Birth is an interesting thing...Planned birth especially. You have all the anxiety of surgery coupled with the excitement of your sweet little baby arriving. I teared up as I got a few texts from friends who were up early and rallying to encourage me.
We pulled up to the hospital and checked in with the nurses, I was sniffly and scared. Everyone was so nice to me. I wanted so badly to be tough, really tough, but I was terrified and staring down the clock watching it tick-tock closer to 7:30, our surgery time. My husband and I prayed for my surgery and for our baby. Two nurses brought us back to our room and gave me a gown and some socks to change into. Then they put me in bed and started fishing around my hand trying to put in an IV line. Finally successful, I laid back as they started the drip.
The anesthesiologist breezed in our room next and made small talk. He was so kind and made the biggest effort to connect with me. He told me all about his wife (who is an OB) and his two children. My doctor came in next, a man of few words as always, he asked how I was...I whimpered. He didn't indulge it one bit, asked if I had any questions and simply reassured me it would be good and he'd see me in the OR shortly.
From there a new nurse came in, Carla, and she walked me to the OR, leaving Corey in the room until after my spinal was over. Walking yourself to surgery is a strange experience. That's when I guess I sort of clicked into game face mode. This was happening. I was about to not only get cut open, but meet my little son. As much as I wanted to run out of there screaming (wouldn't THAT have been interesting), praying Carter would be waiting in a basket on our doorstep from Amazon, that was not what was going to happen and my body just kicked in and cooperated with situation. Once in the operating room, the OR nurse assisting (Farah) was a cute Persian lady...just another fun coincidence that calmed me down seeing as she just felt familiar to me right off the bat.
I was sat on the edge of the OR table leaning forward, head looking down. The Dr. talked me through the entire procedure for my spinal and as downright petrified as I was...It barely hurt a bit. I tried to do what I was told as I shook like a leaf in fear. I was happy that in the end it was way less of a big deal for me than I'd built it up to be and for a moment I thought...I could totally go through that part again for Baby #2. They laid me back on the table quickly noting that I did not have much spinal curvature. From there I started to go numb. A pins and needles feeling all over my legs and torso. I must have asked the doctor 10 times if I was really numb enough. He finally told me he had just pinched my leg hard and I obviously didn't feel that so he was confident things were working.
The OBs (mine and another assisting) came in chatting about classic cars and their weekend. I asked again if I was numb enough and the docs said they'd already gotten started on the surgery so...I guess I was, ha!
Corey was brought in quickly and sat up near my head. From there I felt nothing but was completely with it and wide awake. I felt some pushing and movement in my abdomen but was so numb I couldn't tell what was what. And nothing about it hurt. Twice I saw stars, never dizzy, just flickering. I told the anesthesiologist and he pushed some drug that made them stop.
We waited to hear a baby cry...it was taking a while. I could hear the docs talking and trying to get Carter out. What was supposed to take 5-6 minutes felt like it was taking an eternity since baby was transverse breech. Finally baby was out and the doctors were laughing exclaiming "He's Peeing!". I panicked thinking..."Not in ME I hope!!!". Everyone started saying Happy Birth Day! It was so sweet. The doctors then asked what is name was. I looked over my shoulder at Corey and said "Carter?". We'd talked about names and had 2 final names, but I didn't feel like we'd REALLY committed to one of them. We agreed quickly and said, "Carter!". The Dr.s at that point had wooshed him over the the pediatrician at the baby warmer and we heard his first cry. It sounded like the cutest tiny, little, gurgly, angry tiger cub. He was mad! They cleaned him up and checked his APGAR (9). Carter was baby perfection.
They called Corey over to (re)cut the cord. Come to find out the cord was wrapped like a lasso around his little abdomen, trapping one arm as well. That was why he never turned head down, he couldn't after getting himself stuck like that.
They wrapped Carter up and handed him to Corey. Once in daddy's arms he settled down and stopped hollering instantly. Everyone in the room remarked on what a perfect looking little baby he was. It was so sweet watching Corey look at our son. I had to ask to see the baby, haha, everyone else was admiring how adorable he was. They quickly brought baby over to my face and I got to kiss him and say hi to him. I was bewildered and in awe at him. He was SO CUTE. I had made it through the surgery and my baby and I were healthy.
As I looked at him I just felt mixed emotions. I loved him so much and absolutely couldn't believe he came out of me yet, I was still shell shocked from having surgery. Much like the tangle of emotions on the drive over, just a couple of short hours earlier, this felt similarly odd and wonderful all at the same time. Because of this little man I'd had serious surgery, but because of this little man I was a mommy.
Once I was sutured up, they transferred me over to a hospital bed and we were wheeled back to our room. The baby was in his little baby box right next to me and I finally got to hold him skin to skin and breastfeed him for the first time. I was still completely numb from abdomen down as I lay there. They put compression boots on my legs to prevent clots.
The following hours and even days were a beautiful blur of bonding with our precious son, nurses, nurses and more nurses, tests for me and for him, awkward husband/wife moments (ummm...can you change my maxi pad on honey?), a few visitors (grandparents and my friends Renee and Ashley) and pain...quite a bit of pain. However, every time I looked at that baby I felt like I'd do it for him all over again, no questions asked.
Within a few hours of his birth I was sitting up and dangling my legs over the edge of the bed. It seemed like ever walking again would be an impossible task, but that evening I was walking a tiny bit around the room. The next morning the catheter was pulled which didn't hurt at all (nothing like the threat of peeing yourself in the hospital bed to get you on your feet!) along with the IV and I started moving more and more at the advice of friends who'd gone through a c-section before. I stayed on a mostly liquid diet (soups, jellos, etc) for a couple of days mainly because I was afraid to poop, haha! Everything in my abdomen just was so sore and going pee was such an ordeal. The next day I took off the hospital gowns and started wearing my own PJs which helped me feel more human. I took washcloth baths vs using the shower because just the thought of showering, toweling off and getting dressed was exhausting to me. Every day got better and better though pain and discomfort wise.
Friday morning we felt ready to head home. Enough of the hospital! Poppy Ron was visiting us and helped Corey pack everything up. We left the hospital at 5pm and got home at 5:30pm. God was most certainly watching over us as we got from San Ramon to Livermore in under an hour at rush hour on a Friday night.
Carter spent his first hour at home fast asleep in his car seat and we began our journey fumbling hilariously through newborn life with our sweet little son, Carter Michael Bruce.
